JO’S STORY

I was in the relationship for 9 years and in those 9 years, I left 13 times. This relationship was very unstable from the start. The physical and emotional abuse started within the first 3 months and promises were always made that it would never happen again and that things would change.

Things never changed, they may have changed for a week maybe two, but then the violence would arise again. This was for no apparent reason, maybe I hadn’t mopped the floor properly, or his dinner wasn’t ready by 6 pm. Maybe I said the wrong thing at the wrong time, but these signs were not portrayed to family or friends.

After 12 months the financial abuse, was seen and I was becoming isolated from family and friends and help seemed to be non existent I went to the doctors one day in the small country town where we resided as I was wanting help but to my surprise he arrived for the appointment and he had me diagnosed with post natal depression, Yes I did cry and I was always nervous but no it wasn’t because of post natal depression it was because of his continual abuse this lead to sexual abuse and 3 children being born in 27 months. The abuse became more and more prevalent and his image of the good caring loving father and partner was becoming more tarnished, people were realizing that he was not all that he made himself out to be. He caused a family argument, which resulted in my brother and me not talking, and 10 years later, we still do not speak. We relocated to a regional centre and the abuse continued day in day out it was worse than I could have ever imagined. I was totally isolated with only his very undesirable friends allowed to visit. It was at this stage I could see no other option so I took an overdose with the hope to end it all. This failed and I ended up suffering for another year of physical, emotional, verbal, financial, and sexual abuse. It was then that I devoted all my time to the children’s school and decided to make something of my life. I became school council president and this he could not handle as he was losing control and power and becoming more and more oppressive. The children were all frightened, scared innocent little children that I didn’t think had witnessed anything. They had, they too suffered the abuse, but I was oblivious to the fact. It didn’t matter what we said or did it was never right. Our house was very volatile and the children and I were always on edge. The final straw that broke the camels back was when he kicked our youngest child up the bum and he landed through the kitchen wall. We left and never returned to the family component. We left with the clothes on our backs and a few dollars but I was determined no matter what we were not going back.

Another 12 months on his continual abuse and erratic behavior and trying to isolate me and cause trouble between friends an family, the children and I left and relocated to another regional town where we are now all happy and content and I am fulfilling my career dream.

The children and I have been able to develop amazing coping skills and we now realize we have great resilience, we also have an enormous amount of experiential knowledge when it comes to family violence.