Forms of Family Violence

Emotional abuse

• Words or behaviour aimed at destroying a person’s positive belief in themselves (self-esteem).
• Manipulation that leads to feelings of guilt and shame, blaming for family problems that occur.
• Threatening to abduct or harm children of the relationship.
• Threaten to self-harm if one partner leaves.
• Playing mind games and emotional withdrawal e.g. hours or days of silence.
• Hurting or killing family pets.
• Disabling the car or disconnecting the phone.
• Taking away of personal belongings. e.g. photos clothes, books etc.
• Undermining decisions you have made for yourself or your children.

Verbal abuse

• Name calling
• Yelling
• Put downs about your children or your parenting ability, body, sexuality, cultural background, your capabilities and other things important to you
• Threatening physical violence
• Speaking in ways which are frightening or threatening
• Swearing.

Social abuse

• Shaming and abusing you in public often in the form of humour
• Isolating you from your family and friends, by behaving obnoxiously and driving them away
• Isolation - can be both geographical and emotional. Restricting and interfering with your social activities and relationships with other people
• Preventing you from studying or advancing yourself and your skills
• Monitoring your phone calls and tampering with your car to control your movements
• Checking up on what you are doing.

Economic abuse

• Having no access to money and not being included in financial decision making
• Being expected to manage the household on an impossibly low amount of money, and being criticized and blamed, when unable to do so
• Being forced to sign contracts without being an equal partner or fully informed
• Having all household bills e.g. phone and electricity in your name
• Having family court proceedings dragged out so all funds are spent on legal costs
• Making you ask for money and account for money spent
• Stopping you from getting or keeping a job.
• Taking money that is rightfully yours
• Withholding child support money.

Physical abuse

• Punching, kicking, shoving ,chocking ,restraining pulling hair, drugging, throwing or pushing against walls, throwing objects at you, shaking, slapping assault with weapons and murder
• Harming or threatening to harm children and other family members or pets and damage to property
• Physical abuse also includes the use of body language e.g.: standing over, invading personal space and sleep deprivation.

Sexual abuse

• Any unwanted, humiliating or pressured sexual act or threats of such behaviour. This can include unwanted touching, rape, genital exposure and forcing you to watch pornography
• Forced to wear clothes that make you feel degraded
• Forced to be constantly sexually available no matter how tired, sick or uninterested you feel
• Physically attacking sexual parts of your body.

 

Effects of Family Violence

The effects of family violence on women are varied and can include any of the following responses:

Emotional:

Shock, terror, guilt, irritability, anger, anxiety, hostility, fear, depression, vulnerability, feelings of helplessness, lack of safety, mental exhaustion and lack of sleep.

Cognitive:

Concentration impairment, confusion, self-blame, flashbacks, lowered self-esteem, fears of losing control and fears of abuse happening again.

Biological:

Sleep disturbances, nightmares, exaggerated startled response (frightened easily), heart palpitations, panic attacks and psychosomatic symptoms (imagined illness).

Behavioural:

Avoidance, fear of asserting one’s rights, social withdrawal, interpersonal stress for example; decreased intimacy and lowered trust in others, physical exhaustion and substance use.

Financial:

Financially transmitted debts, poverty, homelessness, legal expenses, and often, the ongoing deprivation of basic necessities like adequate clothing, food and medical attention.

Long term effects:

One of the most insidious effects of family violence is the damage it can do to a woman’s perceptions over time, so that she becomes habituated to the behaviour, seeing it as normal or as something she deserves. This can lead women to collude with or minimize behaviour, which is violent or controlling. Children also learn that violence and controlling behaviour is normal, and without intervention, may grow up to repeat the pattern.